How I Got My Ex Back – 3 Steps To Get Them Back For Good
How I Got My Ex Back (Ultimate Guide)
Howdy people. Over the last few weeks, many of you have asked me how i got my ex back and whether it is possible for you to do the same.
To answer you directly. Yes, it is possible and yes it’s not as hard as you may think it is.
Today I’m going to show you exactly how I got my ex back using a simple process which anyone can replicate.
Copy this method and you’ll be back with your partner in no time.
I’m going to give it to you straight, It’s going to take quite a bit of work, but if you follow these steps, i’m pretty sure you’ll have your ex back.
I encourage all of you to use this guide as a resource. Whenever you’re in doubt or not sure what to do next, refer back to this article for guidance.
Alright, so the 3 steps I went through to get my ex back are as follows
How I Got My Ex Back Steps
- Step 1: No contact
- Step 2: Self improvement / Reflection (SUPER IMPORTANT)
- Step 3: Reengage her
That’s it. Simple enough right? Well, it does seem so on the surface, but let me tell you, each step is actually quite hard to accomplish. Before we jump into the first step, let me show you the emotions, thoughts and actions I went through when me and my partner broke up.
See if any of these are familiar to you.
How I Got My Ex Back – Toxic Behaviors To Avoid
AVOID doing all of these from now on!!
1) I kept texting her
Don’t do this. In fact, don’t text her at all.
2) I was depressed and remained in bed thinking about her all day long.
I literally spent all day in bed, not eating, drinking and constantly replaying scenarios of the two of us together in my head.
3) I kept checking her Facebook and online social profiles.
Yep, i turned into a super stalker. I checked when she was last online, if her profile picture had changed, etc.
4) I freaked out when she went on a date with someone else
This was probably the hardest of them all. I literally kept calling and messaging her when i knew she was on the date in an attempt to sabotage it as much as possible.
5) I pretended to call/text her to see if she’s ok….. (Yeah right)
On various occasions I convinced myself that i didn’t want to get back with her but i wanted to see if she was ok…….
Honestly, I just used this as an excuse to talk to her again and then start my “let’s get back together” speech.
6) I tried showering her with affection, gifts, pity and kept telling her that I would change.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, I encourage all of you to observed these patterns of behavior within yourself and avoid repeating the same mistakes going forward.
I was emotionally wounded and extremely needy for her. I had constant anxiety and was even depressed. If she would just hear me out or give me another chance, I would be happy.
Looking back on it now, I can see how messed up this behavior was.
Side note: I still managed to get her back in the end, so if you’ve done any of the above toxic behaviors already, don’t worry too much. The damage can easily be undone.
How I Got My Ex Back – The Process
Alright, so now you’re aware of the behaviors you need to avoid when trying to get your partner back. Now let’s look at the actual steps to make this as a reality.
How I Got My Ex Back Step 1: No contact
As soon as you break up with your partner, I STRONGLY STRONGLY RECOMMEND you cut all contact with them off.
Fight all those urges inside you and CUT CONTACT!!
If you been separated for a while and tend to contact them every so often, also cut contact.
No more phone calls. No more texting. No more social media. Nothing!
Why should I Cut Off Contact With My Ex?
Well, if you are anything like me, then at this point in time, you’re probably in a bad head space and emotionally toxic towards her.
You may think everything’s fine but if you’re displaying any of the above toxic behaviors, then believe me you are digging your own grave and are making things much worse.
Sometimes you have to give someone a bit of space, rather than consistently hammering them.
How long did I cut contact for?
In my case 21 days. 3 weeks.
I deleted her text history, banned myself from viewing her Facebook and other social media profiles, and even locked away all the presents and photos that we shared over the years.
This may be a little extreme, but i really wanted to cut all forms of communication with her as much as possible.
After running back several times, repeating the same above toxic behavior, something had to change. I had to try something else… and this was it.
Side note: I also want to stress, if your partner contacts you during these 21 days, don’t respond. This is 21 days is for YOU and no one else. May sound selfish, but sometimes you need to look after yourself first, especially if you’ve been emotionally wounded.
If she gets offended by you not answering, then tough, she should have thought about that before she broke your heart. No contact must be followed.
Also worth mentioning is that it doesn’t have to be 21 days. In most cases, it can take much longer. 1 month, 2 months or more. It all depends on you, your partner and how rough the breakup was. Assess the situation and go from there.
The aim of no contact is to undo all the damage that happened in the relationship and the fallout of the breakup. You want to use this time to improve yourself and reflect on things with a clear mind without her influence.
In addition, your ex suddenly losing you from their life without any reason will give you a massive advantage.
First, they will begin to miss you.
Well, because they are use to having you around chasing after them nonstop. By you suddenly disappearing, it creates a vacuum in their life which you use to fill. It leaves them wondering why you are no longer available. Have you found someone else? Are you doing something more important in your life than they are? Etc.
The second advantage of no contact is that as time goes on, all the negative associations she had with you will disappear. All the neediness, bad habits and bad energy will dispense.
The longer you leave it, the more they will crave for your attention and miss you.
This is not enough to get your ex back, however, it is a good starting point and gives you a massive advantage.
This leads me on to the most important step. Step 2
How I Got My Ex Back Step 2 – Self Improvement
Upon cutting all contact with her, i decide i was going to focus solely on myself from here on out.
The 21 days+ of no contact should be used to improve yourself massively and to take proactive action, rather than sitting depressed indoors all day.
I did the following during those 3 weeks. Some of them daily, such as going to the gym, hanging out with friends and hobbies. Other’s maybe once or twice.
How I Got My Ex Back Improvement List
- Went to gym
- Went out with friends
- Went on another date
- Took up a new hobby
- Treated myself to a new set of clothes and haircut.
- Went on a holiday
- Positive changes and self improvement
Let’s go through each of these in greater detail.
During the first two days, I allowed myself to grieve for my lost. Believe me, I grieved HARD, tears, anxiety, sadness, etc. Some people said I shouldn’t have done this, but I don’t believe in blocking and repressing your emotions. I let it all out.
I had to mentally and emotionally come to terms that I wasn’t going to see my partner again for a few weeks and to be honest, this tore me apart.
The emotional charge of us not being together anymore hurt like hell. I had to give myself some time for that emotional charge to settle and for my emotions to somewhat stabilize. I believe this is only possible when you fully embrace the pain and don’t resist.
I did some reflection on what went wrong, what I should have done, etc. Ironically, we tend to blame ourselves for everything, but when you look at it objectively, both me and my partner had some responsibility. A good way to assess what went wrong is to ask yourself “What was good about the relationship at the beginning and what changed?”
Honestly, I hate admitting this but i became clingy, needy and obsessive. Ironically, she did as well. We were both clinging on to each other for happiness. It was a very co dependant relationship.
If I wanted to get her back, I’d have to sort myself out and get back to that old me which attracted her initially.
Go Out With Friends And Go To The Gym
Every day, i made a conscious effort to go to the gym to work out. Whenever my friends were available, I would hang out with them. There’s something magical about the gym and I guess i never really appreciated it fully until i went there on a regular basis.
I never brought up my Ex when i was with my friends and ask them not to either. I wanted us just to have fun.
Go Out On A Date
I went on one date during those 3 weeks. Honestly, the date was a mess, lol. The person was nice enough, but i wasn’t really interested in them for obvious reasons. Still, it was reassuring to know women were attracted to me and I guess i needed that reassurance after the breakup.
Took Up A New Hobby
I went to a Yoga class with my friend Lisa. I never really had any interest in Yoga, but it was a nice change and allowed me to interact and make new friends. If Yoga isn’t your thing, find a common hobby that you and your friends can share and DO IT. If your friends are not around, take a risk and sign up to a random class on your own. Yoga, martial arts, charity work, etc.
This one is huge. I’ve never been a fan of spirituality, but this really had a profound effect on me. 10 minutes of meditation in the morning and evening allowed me to settle my mind, thoughts and emotions.
If you want to learn more about meditation, i strongly recommend you check out this book.
Go On A Holiday
I took a brief holiday to Spain and enjoyed the sunshine. I did this on my own. I was suppose to go with some friends, but they couldn’t get the time off work. I rarely go on holiday on my own and to be honest, I was nervous about doing so. Still, doing this pushed my comfort zone and looking back, I’m glad i did it.
Get A New Haircut And New Set Of Clothes
I got myself a new haircut and a ton of new clothes. Honestly, I hadn’t had treated myself for months prior to this, so it was well deserved.
Self Improvement And Positive Change
I kept challenging myself not to dwell on the past. Every time I slipped back into that dark place of craving my ex, I would instantly flip the thought into a positive message about myself. This was initially super hard, but I managed to get the hang of it eventually.
I listened to a ton of self improvement audio books as I exercised. I also constantly surrounded myself with only positive influences in order to condition myself away from negativity. This didn’t always work, but it certainly made some difference.
How I Got My Ex Back Improvement List Conclusion
All of these new actions I took over the weeks added up and allowed me to experience life from a new perspective. It may not seem like its doing much in the moment, but doing these actions every single day made me appreciate and love myself more. Something I rarely did when I was with my ex.
Side note: I stuck to these like a religion and honestly, in the beginning it was so hard just to get the strength to leave my bed. But with constant persistence and will power, i managed to do so.
Ironically, after 2 weeks of doing this, the pain of my EX was not as strong as it was when we first broke up. It was still there and I could feel that painful sensation in the pits of my stomach. I accepted it was still there and decided to push on anyway
There’s something very powerful about accepting your emotions and not blindly following them. Not letting them dictate your behavior and stifle your actions, etc. Honestly, If i did let them control my behavior, i probably would have been in bed moping again.
Accepting a painful emotion is very powerful and having the courage to admit to yourself that you do miss your partner but you’re going to carry on anyway is somewhat empowering.
Don’t repress your emotions. Accept them and push on.
How I Got My Ex Back Step 3 – Reengage Her
So after 3 weeks, i’m happy to say I was a changed person. Sure I still had my bad habits and yes, I was still somewhat in pain, but you what, I was in a much better place than I was 3 weeks ago.
It was at this point I decided whether it was right for me and her to get back together? I had made huge improvements over the last 3 weeks and I didn’t want to risk it all and throw it down the toilet.
I decided that I’d give it another go as long as it was win/win on both sides. Id grown emotionally strong during those 3 weeks and somewhat eliminated that needy, low self respect, clingy, desperate person inside me.
At this point, I accepted that there may be a chance that we wouldn’t get back together.
I made a positive change to my life and I knew that I could still go on dates and meet other women if things never worked out.
I texted her the following day. My friends who had gone through breakups had advised me not to talk about feelings, argue with her or send boring every day messages. It made sense when I thought about it. If i did one of those things, it would communicate I was still that needy, clingy desperate person.
Ironically, I didn’t want to send a message like that. Win/win remember?
Send a message that either triggers your partner to remember the good times you both had or a text seeking general advice.
In my case, I did both in one message.
How I Got My Ex Back Text Messages
Feel free to use these messages for yourself or modify them to your circumstance.
“Hey Eliza, I’m heading to Spain with some friends over the weekend. What was the name of that hotel we stayed at?”
This text worked like a charm. It was non needy. It showed her that I was busy getting on with my life and it reminded her of the hotel we stayed in and the fun times we had
She responded telling me about the hotel and then proceeded with this.
“How are you. I haven’t heard from you in a while?”
I played it kool and remembered when we initially started to date, our conversations were fun and light hearted. I decided to do the same thing that initially attracted her and boy did it work.
Sidenote: If you want to know what to text to keep things lighthearted and build attraction, check out our ‘How to text women you’ve just met‘ article. It is a nice complimentary guide to this one.
After some lighthearted texts from the two of us, I eventually got this message.
“I miss you… :)”
I know from past experience that I should escalate on a high point and to me this was as high as it gets.
I casually asked my partner if they would like to grab some dinner the following week. They agreed. Do not mention it as a date. Make it seem like a casual hang out with a friend.
We went out for food and she was shocked at how much I had changed in attitude and spirit. Sure i still had that emotional baggage deep down, but I accepted that and pushed on forward.
Things were different now. Rather than seeking my partners approval or leeching off them emotionally, I was asking myself questions such as, “Is this person right for me?” “Would I be happier in the long term without them, etc?”
Some things to be aware of. Never mention the word date to them and never bring up the bad points of the past. Focus on only the positive and recall only the fun times you both had in the past.
Me and my ex went on a few more outings and eventually my partner stated the she missed having me around.
How I Got My Ex Back – Happy Ending!
At this point, you want to either bring up the possibility of both of you getting back together or have them bring it up.
In this case, i brought it up and told my partner that I would like to get back together but only if its right for both of us. I told them i was willing to try as we both share a special bond and it would be a shame to throw it away. I said this in a confident, bold manner. There was no neediness. Just honesty.
My partner agreed and we decided to give it another go
Happy Ending. 🙂
I get a lot of questions asking how i got my ex back and I’ve always told my story to friends and family. After seeing them having similar success, I decided to share my story with everyone online.
Now, this is just my story about how i got my ex back.
However, if you’d like to know everything about getting your ex back, such as
- The exact text messages to send
- How to make your partner miss you twice as much
- What to do if your partner refuses your second offer and you still want them
- How to get them back faster
- How to keep them once you got them back
- How to constantly trigger the attraction chemical in their brain known as ocitocin to boost their desire for you, etc
Then I strongly recommend you check out the following guide. It has helped me and many others up our game 10x quicker and produced far greater results than what i have stated here.
This guide will literally direct you in every action you should take from the moment you break up, to the moment you are back in the relationship and even how to keep the relationship strong and stable.
I recommend everyone check this guide out to drastically improve their odds. My story on how I got my ex back only covers a fraction of what could happen. We’re all in different situations, countries and places in our lives.
The following guide goes through practically every possible scenario that could happen in your pursuit to getting your ex back.
Good luck my friend and I wish you the very best.
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